An email conversation.

Jennifer: I found this video on someone's blog and it made me shed a thousand tears. You should watch it. :)

 

 Jacob: Do you want me to shed a thousand tears too??

 Jennifer: I'll accept it if you only shed a hundred tears.

Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening

Are you ready for a tale of sadness and utter woe? Grab a tissue -- this is a tearjerker.

This afternoon my sister Heather asked if I'd be interested in babysitting her daughter tonight. You guys. Kayla is The Most Adorable Niece in the World. Don't believe me? Here, have some pictures:

First, we have a picture of her enjoying an Otter Pop. Truly her mother's daughter.

And this was approximately two days before she learned how to crawl. 

And how do I not have any more pictures of her? Allow me to steal one off of Heather's facebook. (Dear Heather: I hope you're okay with me posting pictures of you and your posterity here.)

Doesn't this make you just die? 

So yes. Kayla. Most Adorable Niece in the World. Naturally, I jumped at the chance to babysit, because she is darling and I'm hoping to become her Favorite Aunt. I was going to need to leave around 5:45 to get to their apartment on time, and around 5:40 I started to get my belongings together.

A few minutes later, I realized that I couldn't find my keys. This is not an unusual occurrence, but I can usually find them in one of several places. After I'd checked those, I began to panic a little. I dumped out my purse. I checked under the couch cushions. I looked inside the refrigerator. I wandered through the apartment like a madman, never staying in one place more than five seconds, frantically looking for my keys.

I texted Heather that we may have a problem, and then at 5:54 I remembered that Jacob had asked me to return an item to the library, as it was due today. And the library closed at 6.

Fortunately, we live very close to the library -- it's literally a walk in the park to get there. But in this case, I didn't have time to walk.

I grabbed some shoes and socks and bolted out the door, hoping beyond hope that nobody would break in during its unlocked state. And then I ran across the park, my phone in one hand because I didn't want it to fall out of my pocket, the other arm across my chest because I didn't have time to change into a sports bra.

Did I mention that it was raining? Oh yes, it was raining. And there was lightning. And I learned that running outside at a sprint is very different from jogging leisurely on an elliptical, and before long I was huffing and puffing.

I returned the CD with maybe a minute and a half to spare, and then I ran back to the apartment in the same fashion as before, because at this point it was raining even harder and also because the door was still unlocked. My only condolence is that the rain masked my sweat. Or at least I like to think that.

As I sprinted toward my door, I happened to be spotted by our good friends and neighbors. They called to me, but I couldn't really hear them because I was breathing too loudly. How embarrassing. So, Katrina, if you had invited me over or something and then were totally offended because I snubbed you, that's why. Nothing personal, and I totally would have come over if I wasn't still worried about finding my keys.

WHICH ARE STILL MISSING. So not only did I miss out on babysitting my adorable niece, but now I have the unsettling feeling that my keys ended up in one of the several places we visited earlier while running errands. Or possibly locked in the car. Or in the Pit of Despair. It's anyone's guess, really.

Ten million points to the person who correctly guesses where my keys are. And while you're at it, would you mind also telling me where the remote control and tweezers are? My eyebrows are getting scary.

This just happened.

Not fifteen minutes ago, I made my way to the bathroom to relieve my bladder.

Not two seconds later, I hopped back into the hallway.

"Um, Jacob?" I queried in a strangely high-pitched voice. "There's something on the bath mat I think you need to take care of."

Jacob, man that he is, came over to investigate. He came to the same conclusion that there was, in fact, a pincer bug on the bath mat.

"Now Jennifer," he said, in a voice you might use to speak to small children. "All you need to do is pick up the bath mat and shake it in the toilet." He then demonstrated this by doing just that.

He presented the toilet to me with a flourish*.

"Oo, I don't want it looking at my bum," I whimpered.

Jacob seemed less than sympathetic and left me to my business.

Upon closer inspection, the bug appeared to be motionless, so I settled myself down and positioned myself so I could still keep an eye on the earwig.

All was well until the waters started to churn, so to speak. Suddenly, the bug started paddling its creepy little legs.

"Jacob! It's swimming!" I shrieked.

He made an unintelligible reply.

Then the pincer bug started to crawl up the side of the bowl.

"Jacob! It's crawling up the sides!" I screeched. Then, with even higher pitch and intensity, I wailed, "I don't want to be here anymore!"

"Then flush!" he replied.

Oh, yes. That.

Following his instructions, I rid the world of another monstrosity. You may thank me now.


*I may have taken some artistic license with the narrative, but the dialogue is 100% accurate. Well, maybe 98%. It's hard to remember each word for word.

"And here is another shot of my plaid man shorts."

Oh heeeey! How's it going, girlfriend? Long time, no see! What's that? You say I'm terrible at communicating with the outside world? Well, this may be true. 

School starts two months from today and I've already been having first-day-of-school nightmares. It seems pretty far away still, but I'm sure the summer is going to fly by. So I'm determined to make the most of it. In between reading, playing Lego Harry Potter, and finally watching the last season of ALIAS (which Jacob finished, um, a year ago), here's what we've been up to:

But first, some backstory. (Is the suspense making your toes tingle?) My dear, darling, lovely mother joined something we daughters like to call "the gossip group" but what she calls "Sew What's New" years and years and years ago. Um, I mean, she just joined it years ago. She isn't that old. 

The premise of Sew What's New is that a group of women took turns hosting a craft night each month. The ladies would get together and make a craft and partake of delicious treats. I took it for granted that everyone in the world had the exact same decorations, because whenever we went to our friends' houses, they had the same seasonal decor as us! As time went by, the craft portion of the evening was phased out and the women just got together to partake of delicious treats (which we always asked Mom to sneak back home to us) and gossip -- I mean, hold highly intellectual discussion. 

Now, at the beginning of the year I was invited to join something very similar to "the gossip group." But of course, since we're young and hip, we call our gatherings "Pinterest parties." There's four of us in the group, and we take turns being in charge of the craft, the meal, and the dessert, all of which we find on Pinterest. And yes, we even have a schedule to determine who does what. That's how hard core we are. 

Over the months we've made festive holiday decorations, wrapped yarn wreaths, and even sewed a skirt as our craft portion of the evening. Last Wednesday we painted wooden blocks to create a patriotic flag. You may marvel now: 

The next day, Jacob and I headed to the SCERA Shell Theatre in Orem for a showing of Tarzan. We brought our blankets and snacks and settled on the grass for a splendid show. Except for the part where we had to crane our necks every once in a while to see around the people in chairs in front of us, it was a delightful time. 

I've come to the devastating realization that I'm starting to get a forehead wrinkle. I'm not even 25 yet! But I think I'm getting the crease because I'm constantly making faces like this:

I really ought to stop furrowing my brow like that.

 Friday we decided to visit Scheels, a sporting goods store that just so happens to contain a Ferris wheel inside. As it turns out, there were quite a few photo opportunities there as well. We cozied up to Abraham Lincoln:

Immediately after taking this picture, I told Jacob "Okay, I'm getting embarrassed now."

 And we encountered some wild animals.

It's another Cougar first down!

Big ol' bear hug.

Saturday we headed to a water park and spent a few hours riding the water slides. Which is something I wouldn't mind doing right now, since it's 89 degrees still nearly at 10 at night. (Arizona peeps: just let me complain! Hopefully you're less stingy with your air conditioning than we are and you're not currently melting into a puddle of despair.)

"Name this singer." "Uh, Katy Perry?" "No, it's Justin Bieber."

It's the first day of summer vacation, and how have I spent the last forty-five minutes?

I've been looking at the teacher's edition of the math textbook and Pinterest to get ideas for teaching math next year.

Apparently I haven't been scared off from teaching altogether . . . yet. Which is good, because man, my class was rough. On to summer break and a fresh start in August!

Squishing up a baby bumblebee

Last night, I sent the following to Jacob in an email while he was at work:

"So, a couple hours ago I was chilling on the couch, checking out ye olde Facebook or something inconsequential like that, when I heard an ominous buzzing noise. I figured it was merely a fly, but the buzzing was louder than you might expect. Unless it was perhaps a horsefly. A moment later I glanced upward, and to my shock and horror a ginormous yellow jacket/bee (should I know the difference?) was hovering above me! I did the only rational thing: I grabbed my laptop, booked it to the smaller bedroom, and slammed the door behind me. After twenty minutes, I decided to be brave and venture into the rest of the apartment to see if it was still there or not. I checked each room and didn't see or hear anything, so I'm really hoping it flew out a window. If not, I may die a little in my sleep."

I ended up closing the kitchen and living room windows in an attempt to keep out the bee (as it turned out it was) before going to bed. This morning, Jacob called me while I was just waking up and requested, as usual, that I brush my teeth before he arrived home. (You'd think after nearly three and a half years of marriage he could overlook a little morning breath of death. Alas.) As I walked out toward the bathroom, I saw the bee flying around our living room window! Apparently it hadn't made a Houdini-esque escape after all.

I bravely approached the window, opened it halfway to encourage the bee to fly out, and then locked myself in the bathroom in a panic. I called Jacob back to inform him of the situation, and he instructed me to kill it with a fly swatter.

Yeah . . . like that was going to happen.

He came home shortly, and I handed him the fly swatter to do his thing. But at that point, the bee had flown between the two panes of glass. I suggested just closing the window to trap the bee and let it die slowly.

Jacob: Oh, you're okay letting the bee die slowly, but you're not okay killing it with a fly swatter?
Me: This way is more non-confrontational.

Jacob ended up closing the window the rest of the way, which encased the bee in fairly tight quarters. When I arrived home from work, the bee had fallen to the window sill and looked like it was nearly severed in two pieces. Perhaps trapping it was a little more gruesome than I'd expected.

At any rate, Jacob requested that I dispose of the carcass. I preferred letting the corpse stay on the window sill as a warning to all other potential intruders. (That, and I didn't want to touch it, even with an extension of the arm, such as a paper or fly swatter.) 

So Jacob ended up taking care of that part, as well. Good man.

Three days of school and counting.

I'm feeling very humble right now. Things seem to falling into place for us all of a sudden, as far as figuring out how we're going to pay for IVF this summer. Earlier this week, a former roommate told me she's been saving up her "allowance" to give to us once we need to pay for our cycle. In addition to contributing to the fund, a relative told me that she'll give us an interest-free loan to make up the difference between what we have and what we need to cover the expenses. And just now, a friend told me she wants to write us a check for $1,000. Add this to the eight individuals/families who have already contributed, and I am floored. And possibly a little weepy at the moment. Does this surprise anyone? (No, no it does not.)

Now, to completely shift gears (I earlier said I didn't want this to become an "infertility blog," and I seem to be failing), have a story!

A few months ago, Jacob and I bought what's called The Pass of All Passes. Basically this grants us free admission to water parks, various recreational centers, and some sporting events. We finally received our passes in the mail last weekend, and Tuesday we had the opportunity to attend a Real Salt Lake soccer game. (Note: Real is pronounced something like Ray-al*, which doesn't make much sense, but I suppose sounds better than Real [as opposed to Fake!] Salt Lake.)

Let's be honest, the idea of soccer has never really appealed much to me. Running back and forth with maaaybe a couple goals scored during the whole 90 minutes seemed a little, well, slow-paced. But hey! It was free, and it was time to spend with my husband, so off we went.

We certainly didn't want to pay for parking, so we were able to park at the City Hall and catch a shuttle to the stadium. (This detail is important; hang on to it.) We were super early, arriving even before the gates opened an hour before the game started.



Once we were inside the stadium, we noticed our seats were quite wet, as it had been raining earlier. Jacob tracked down some paper towels from the bathroom, and we wiped off our seats as best we could.

We enjoyed the warm ups and actually took photos of the two of us for the first time in months.

Look at how dry we were.

And then, right before the game started, it began to pour. POUR! We had a little umbrella, but we weren't supposed to put it above our heads while in our seats, because then it would block the view of the people behind us. We were getting drenched pretty quickly, so we decided to head up the stairs and crowd under an overhang, like half of the audience. The storm passed relatively quickly, but the damage was done -- we were quite wet. After fifteen minutes, we decided to head back to our seats, which -- surprise! -- were wet again. I fished the paper towels we had used earlier and we attempted to dry off our seats again. For some reason, they weren't quite as effective the second time. :)

So we sat down in fairly wet chairs and watched the first half of the game. Our team scored a goal in the first three minutes, and then didn't score again for the rest of the game. The whole first half, I was slowly drying off. After halftime, I was juuuust about getting warm, when it started to rain. Again.

It wasn't pouring this time, but the rain was coming down pretty steadily. I didn't want to leave our seats again, because heavens knows those paper towels wouldn't survive a third drying. So we opened the umbrella just over our legs, put our hoods up, and hoped for the best.

Well, the rain was relentless. And after 30 minutes of this, the rain had soaked through my jacket, shirt, and underthings. I was quite literally soaked to the skin and wasn't so much having fun anymore. Once it started to come down harder, we retreated to the overhang again. At this point, I was shivering and not even watching the game. Jacob put his arms around me in an attempt to warm me up, but this just pressed my wet clothes against me and made me colder, so it didn't help. We would've left earlier, but remember the shuttle? It wasn't going to leave again until the game was over. And had we walked back to our car, we probably would've arrived AFTER the shuttle dropped everyone else off. So we were stuck until the end.

And then, maybe three minutes before the game was over, the opposing team finally scored their first goal, thus tying the game. But there was no way in heaven I was staying for overtime, so we took our chances and discovered, to our relief, that the shuttle was waiting for us.

And while I told Jacob that I would never feel dry again, I suppose after a hot shower and snuggling into my pjs, all was right in the world again. Until Jacob discovered that his textbook, which had been in my purse, sustained some water damage. Which meant he spent the next thirty minutes with a hair dryer trying to dry out the pages while I tried not to fall asleep on the floor.

*Okay, I just found out that they use the Spanish pronunciation of Real, which I guess makes sense.