This just happened.

Not fifteen minutes ago, I made my way to the bathroom to relieve my bladder.

Not two seconds later, I hopped back into the hallway.

"Um, Jacob?" I queried in a strangely high-pitched voice. "There's something on the bath mat I think you need to take care of."

Jacob, man that he is, came over to investigate. He came to the same conclusion that there was, in fact, a pincer bug on the bath mat.

"Now Jennifer," he said, in a voice you might use to speak to small children. "All you need to do is pick up the bath mat and shake it in the toilet." He then demonstrated this by doing just that.

He presented the toilet to me with a flourish*.

"Oo, I don't want it looking at my bum," I whimpered.

Jacob seemed less than sympathetic and left me to my business.

Upon closer inspection, the bug appeared to be motionless, so I settled myself down and positioned myself so I could still keep an eye on the earwig.

All was well until the waters started to churn, so to speak. Suddenly, the bug started paddling its creepy little legs.

"Jacob! It's swimming!" I shrieked.

He made an unintelligible reply.

Then the pincer bug started to crawl up the side of the bowl.

"Jacob! It's crawling up the sides!" I screeched. Then, with even higher pitch and intensity, I wailed, "I don't want to be here anymore!"

"Then flush!" he replied.

Oh, yes. That.

Following his instructions, I rid the world of another monstrosity. You may thank me now.


*I may have taken some artistic license with the narrative, but the dialogue is 100% accurate. Well, maybe 98%. It's hard to remember each word for word.