Cari: "Now I just need motivation to get off the couch."
Jennifer: "Your pants are on fire!"
It didn't work. Sigh.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
"Where on earth did you get those fabulous sounding socks? And why aren't I at that store already?"
Before you read, you must know three things:
1. I got this idea from one of my favorite columnists, Eric Snider. You can check out the inspiration for this piece here.
2. This is another journal entry for my writing class. My goal here is to amuse, not to make people pity me. Keep that in mind.
3. The quote in the subject line should be attributed to Natalia, but it was too long for me to squeeze in her name.
The Book of Jennifer
Chapter 7
1. And it came to pass in the first year of the reign of Obama, that I, Jennifer, decided that I needed to find a man. For behold, I, being twenty years of age, had never pressed lips to those of a man; neither had I clasped hands with a man.
2. And verily, this did get me down.
3. But behold, men of great stature and handsome looks did intimidate me; yea, they did even cause me to quiver with much fear and trembling. And it came to pass that I did not speak to such men, for the fear did cause me much grief.
4. Now, verily, verily, my lack of dating life did cause some of my friends to scratch their heads in astonishment, for they said that I helped make a room ring with laughter and merriment and that I was fair and pleasant to look at.
5. And it came to pass that I did set forth in my quest to find a man, insomuch that I did feebly attempt to make small talk to the brethren in my ward, that I might catch their attention.
6. Yea, I did need a lot of practice.
7. Yea, I did need so much practice that I felt my efforts were in vain, and I stopped talking to the brethren.
8. Now lo, this did make my quest exceedingly more difficult, for conversation with a man is essential to forming a relationship. Behold, I did not know this from experience, but my observation of couples made it clear that this is so.
9. And it came to pass that I, Jennifer, decided that I would let my friends arrange social events with men for me. For behold, I was too much of a pansy to find a man on my own.
1. I got this idea from one of my favorite columnists, Eric Snider. You can check out the inspiration for this piece here.
2. This is another journal entry for my writing class. My goal here is to amuse, not to make people pity me. Keep that in mind.
3. The quote in the subject line should be attributed to Natalia, but it was too long for me to squeeze in her name.
The Book of Jennifer
Chapter 7
1. And it came to pass in the first year of the reign of Obama, that I, Jennifer, decided that I needed to find a man. For behold, I, being twenty years of age, had never pressed lips to those of a man; neither had I clasped hands with a man.
2. And verily, this did get me down.
3. But behold, men of great stature and handsome looks did intimidate me; yea, they did even cause me to quiver with much fear and trembling. And it came to pass that I did not speak to such men, for the fear did cause me much grief.
4. Now, verily, verily, my lack of dating life did cause some of my friends to scratch their heads in astonishment, for they said that I helped make a room ring with laughter and merriment and that I was fair and pleasant to look at.
5. And it came to pass that I did set forth in my quest to find a man, insomuch that I did feebly attempt to make small talk to the brethren in my ward, that I might catch their attention.
6. Yea, I did need a lot of practice.
7. Yea, I did need so much practice that I felt my efforts were in vain, and I stopped talking to the brethren.
8. Now lo, this did make my quest exceedingly more difficult, for conversation with a man is essential to forming a relationship. Behold, I did not know this from experience, but my observation of couples made it clear that this is so.
9. And it came to pass that I, Jennifer, decided that I would let my friends arrange social events with men for me. For behold, I was too much of a pansy to find a man on my own.
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