Slow news day.

Provo, UT –
Jennifer Sudweeks has made some egregious errors of judgment in the past, but she’s trying to clean up her act.

Sudweeks, a 20-year-old student at Brigham Young University, has been hording Tupperware containers of refried beans in her apartment’s refrigerator. But just this last week, she whittled the number of containers from four to one.

“I, erm, may or may not have a tendency to open a new can of refried beans before checking to see if I have some already stashed away,” Sudweeks said.

Sudweeks usually eats dinner with her older sister Heather, whom she lives with. However, as Heather is an accountant and this is the peak of tax season, she works late hours and Sudweeks is left to fend for herself. And this means she eats burritos two or three times a week.

“Yes, I have the most monotonous diet of anyone I know,” Sudweeks said. “I can’t even begin to count how many burritos I’ve consumed since the beginning of tax season.”

However, one of Sudweeks’ former roommates said that the problem of storing refried beans in the refrigerator has been long lasting.

“She [Sudweeks] would put her leftover beans in the refrigerator and then completely forget about them,” Jessica Mitchell said. “And then when I had to clean out the refrigerator, they would smell nasty foul.”

Sudweeks disagreed with Mitchell’s assessment of the beans’ stench, claiming instead that the odor was “potent.”

Cari Dahl, another of Sudweeks’ roommates, tries to be open-minded about the situation, but sometimes she struggles.

“I definitely had my judging eyes on when Jennifer suggested she use carbon dating to determine how old the latest container of beans was,” Dahl said. “And the unsettling thing is, she ate them anyway.”

Sudweeks justified her actions by saying that refried beans almost never go bad.

“The smell might kick you in the face, but they still taste just as savory in a burrito,” Sudweeks said. “As long as they aren’t petrified, you’re good to go.”

"Clear pee is happy pee."

For dinner today I made some delicious (read: straight from a can) tomato soup. I was dipping my spoon into my bowl at the same time I was trying to read for a class, and I was having a hard time concentrating on the ol' textbook. There had to be a better way to study and eat at the same time.

So I whipped out a straw and proceeded to drink my soup through that instead.

It was remarkably efficient.