Toddler Resolutions

Over on ye olde Facebooke, I posted the following status yesterday:

"The Toddler may be a little young to make any New Year's resolutions, but if I could make some suggestions for her, "Never lick her mother awake" and "Refrain from spitting out food into her parents' bowls" might make the cut."

Someone suggested starting a #toddlerresolutions hashtag, which caused some wheels to start spinning. The possibilities! And so, without further ado, allow me to present to you "Marie's Top Ten New Year Resolutions (as dictated by her mother)".

Marie's Top Ten New Year Resolutions (as dictated by her mother)

1. Never lick my mother awake again.
2. Refrain from spitting out my food into my parent's bowls (or onto their plates).
3. Actually try a bite of new food before refusing it.
4. Alternatively, stop eating food out of the trash can.
5. Give up the bottle before it gets way super embarrassing to still be using one. Oh, wait . . . 
6. Express my frustration in other ways besides bashing my head against the nearest wall or hard object.
7. Continue to think my parents are the funniest people in the world.
8. Grow the rest of my teeth so we can get this teething thing over with.
9. Get used to nursery, since I'm going to be in there for another two years. (Which, if you haven't noticed, is LONGER THAN I'VE EVEN BEEN ALIVE.)
10. Continue to snuggle with my mother before bedtime every single day for the rest of my life or until it starts being creepy, whichever comes first.

Encyclopedia Erickson and the Case of the Sopping Onesie

On Saturday morning, Encyclopedia Erickson was washing the dishes while Marie sat on the floor by her feet, drinking out of her sippy cup. When she concluded the chore, Encyclopedia picked up Marie. Her onesie was soaked!

"That's odd," Encyclopedia said. "Did your sippy cup leak?"

She checked the seal on the lid. It was still screwed tightly.

"Did I spill water on the floor when I was washing the dishes?"

The counters and the front of the cabinets were dry, which negated the idea of a dishwashing spill.

Encylopedia Erickson changed Marie into a fresh set of clothes and noted that Marie's diaper was still dry, so at least the saturated onesie wasn't a result of a diaper malfunction. But it was still a mystery.

Monday morning at breakfast, Marie was enjoying a banana and periodically taking sips of water. Encyclopedia noticed something unusual. After Marie took a drink of water, she deliberately opened her mouth and let the water dribble down her chin and into her bib.

"Ah ha!" Encyclopedia exclaimed. "I know why Marie had such wet onesie this weekend!"

WHAT DID ENCYCLOPEDIA DISCOVER?

(Turn to page 79 for the solution to The Case of the Sopping Onesie)

Appreciate me! Please?

Me, to Jacob: You know, it's Teacher Appreciation Week this week and it's Mother's Day on Sunday, so I expect to feel appreciated all week.

Jacob, stilted: I appreciate you. There.

I guess I'll take what I can get.

Since it IS Teacher Appreciation Week, all the teacher bloggers in all the land are hosting giveaways for products and gift cards to teacherspayteachers.com. I may or may not have entered over 20 contests today in hopes of winning one. Not that I care that much about the cutesy markers and decorations, but the gift cards, man, the gift cards!

I then spent about 2 hours adding products to my wish list. I want to buy all the things! The task cards! The Greek mythology units! The interactive notebook activities! Even if I do win $25 (and with the accompanying 28% off sale), I'd only be able to get a fraction of the things I'd like. Oh, why does everything cost so many dollars?

Speaking of, I went to town this year purchasing products from a particular seller on this website. (We have a certain amount of money we can spend each year and then get reimbursed from the school.) I received a notification a couple weeks ago that she recently became a millionaire through selling her products. When I told Jacob this, he immediately asked if I could do the same thing. Maybe if I ever have time to create products, I'll venture into this as a side business . . .

Side note: When I told Jacob I wanted to buy more things, he asked, "Are you going to make that teacher even more than a millionaire?" Ha.

Mostly, for Teacher Appreciation Week I hope to still have a job next year. My students took their Language Arts and Science end-of-year tests last week and they did . . . much worse than I anticipated. Fingers crossed they redeem themselves in the math test this week or I may just be looking for a new line of employment. Like selling things on Teachers Pay Teachers, perhaps?

Blue and gold

Marie's birthday is in 8 days. Who gave permission for my baby to grow up? Not me. 

The children love the books!

She's getting quite adept at standing and has taken a step or two on a couple occasions. Also, she's basically the happiest baby that has ever lived.

But, as darling as my daughter is, this post is not about her. 

No, this post is about my recent foray into the world of Cub Scouts -- a world with which, with the exception of Pinewood Derbies, I am completely unfamiliar. 

I was called to be a Cub Scout leader a couple weeks ago. When I was extended the calling, I was under the impression that I would be able to choose the day of the week that worked best for me to hold den meetings. Later, I found out that meetings are held Wednesdays at 6:00. 

Joke was on them! The first Wednesday after I received the calling, I had Parent-Teacher Conferences until 7:30. Starting this Wednesday and for the next six weeks, I'm taking a class that goes from 4:30 until 6:50. So I'm being a super active participant these first two months.

But I'm not one to shirk my responsibilities so easily! The Sunday I was set apart, I attended a meeting with all of the Cub Scout leaders to plan the Blue and Gold Banquet, which took place last Wednesday, and which I was actually able to attend. The other three women took charge of the meals, decorations, and the activities. I was given two jobs: 1) Acquire enough lengths of rope for a knot tying activity, and 2) Buy three bags of ice. 

(Allow me to interrupt myself and say that I would have helped with the meals and decorations had I not been working when they wanted to get those things put together. Lest you think that I'm just super lazy or something.)

Well, I asked one woman in the ward where to get rope, since she mentioned a place where you can buy it for a good price, and she volunteered to just get it for me. So that left me with the very important job of bringing ice.

I didn't want to screw this up. If we had warm beverages, it would be all my fault! So just before the banquet on Wednesday, I headed to the store and made a beeline for the freezer section. While there, I realized that I never asked what size bags of ice I should procure. I was able to eliminate the 10 pound blocks of ice right off the bat, but the store sold both 7- and 20-pound bags of ice. Which one, which one? 

I hemmed. I hawed. I called Jacob to ask his advice (but it went to voicemail). I finally decided that 60 pounds of ice would be an absurd amount and settled on the 7 pound bags. (Also, I wasn't sure how I would physically carry 60 pounds of ice into the building, because heavens knows I didn't want to take more than one trip to and from the car. That was a primary factor in the decision-making process.) 

As it turned out, even with a mere 21 pounds of ice, we had more than enough as it was. 

You may all marvel at my contribution to the banquet now. 

Just smile and nod

I have had almost the exact same conversation with an acquaintance at work at least three times in the last month or two. It goes something like this:

Acquaintance: How's that baby of yours? Walking yet?

Me: No, but she rolls all over the place!

Acquaintance: My oldest son was a little Tootsie Roll. I think he's an alien. I swear I was impregnated by an alien.

Me: [awkwardly laughs] Oh, really?

Acquaintance: [launches into story about how her son used to crawl backwards and then one day stood up and walked down the stairs and now he can understand any game after reading the instruction booklet for one minute]

Acquaintance: And now he's in the Navy!

Me: That's great! Well, bye! [gets the heck out of there while simultaneously wondering if this lady actually thinks she was impregnated by an alien]

We don't got no food

The last two days, I've made the majority of my class stay in during recess to finish missing assignments. Once a student turned in all of the work, he or she was able to go to recess.

Me, after a student handed in his last assignment: "Okay, [Student], you can go to recess now."

Student, flailing his arms over his head and running out the door: "I'm free of my burdens!"

Bahaha.

The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice

A texting conversation:

Me: Also, I introduced Marie to the Hairspray soundtrack today. She loved it! Muahahaha!
Jacob: She will be scarred for life and I can never forgive you for this :(

Somebody doesn't like music that brings joy and laughter and sunshine to the world.