A letter to Papa Elf

Dear Santa,

I have a bone to pick with you. Here we are, Christmas Day -- the first Christmas spent away from our families due to Jacob's unfortunate work schedule -- and you have yet to visit our apartment. Our stockings are limp and lifeless; the only presents under the tree are from my parents and students.

Were you turned off by our lack of chimney? Surely you could have noticed the Welcome mat by our front door hidden under the snow. Did you sense that we didn't have any cookies or milk left out for you? If you had taken the time to look, you would've found a plate of cookies given to us by some neighbors on the kitchen table, buried under the mail. And of course the milk was in the fridge, lest it get warm sitting on the counter.

Did you refuse to come because we don't have any small children? Really, Santa, I didn't think you were an ageist.

You've let us down, but I've decided to extend you the benefit of the doubt. After all, you do have a lot of work to put in for just one night of the year. Stop by our apartment by this Saturday and I won't release the photos I have of you and Mommy another woman kissing under the mistletoe.

Love,
Your friend,
Bring us the presents and no one gets hurt,
Merry Christmas,

Jennifer

The ghost of Christmas (card) past.

Christmas cards have started to arrive in our mailbox, and that means a few things:

1. Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat! And I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet! (And forget holiday baking -- it just isn't going to happen this year. At least, not before Christmas.)

2. I'm feeling a little guilty for not sending Christmas cards. In fact, I have only sent Christmas cards myself twice in my lifetime. Allow me to share.

 This is the picture my next-door neighbors and I (also known as The Eternal Roommates) sent to our parents our freshman year of college. But I'm pretty sure that was when I was in my knockoff Photoshop phase and the picture we sent was actually entirely in orange and red hues, making us look like we were demons or on fire or something. Cheery, eh?

On the back of this Christmas card, we included braggy things about our first semester of college. It was printed on only the highest quality computer paper and mailed off to our parents. I think mine arrived after I had already come home for the break. But it was a big hit.

The following is a picture my sister and I sent out to our parents and I think a few select relatives and roommates.

When we printed it at the BYU Bookstore, we had the option of adding a festive "Merry Christmas!" border. Which we so did. It was basically the best Christmas card of all time, excluding the ones my cousin sends out.

Jacob and I haven't ever sent out Christmas cards. What would we include in our letter? Barring immediate family, who would want a picture of the two of us without any cute kids running around? Especially if the picture looked something like this:

Or this:

Or even this:

Because let's be real, we haven't taken any "normal" or "respectable" photos since our wedding day. Which was almost three years ago exactly (raise the roof for our upcoming anniversary!). So if we were to send out a photo card, those would be our options.

We are so classy.