A Christmas miracle

If Jacob and I weren't so cheap, I would definitely be ordering one of these right about now:

We're expecting a girl!

Tootin' our horns

At work, I have the . . . privilege (and I don't even want to admit how many tries it took to spell that word correctly before finally asking Jacob) of teaching the fourth graders to play the recorder. I am sure you are all seething with jealousy right now. We teach recorders in fourth grade to help teach rhythm and hand-eye coordination and musicality, but also primarily so we can perform some songs at an assembly in the gym.

We're trying something new for our school program this year. Last year, we put on a small program for the third and fifth graders to attend that focused mainly on Utah history sprinkled with songs and recorder performances. It was also held sometime in April, I believe. This time? We're putting on The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, which the whole school will attend. And we only have one more full week to practice before the performance. And we really didn't even start practicing until a couple weeks ago.

So we've been cramming Christmas tunes and the words to The Grinch down the throats of our students. Let's be honest, I was veeeeery nervous about how the recorders would sound with the Christmas songs we planned when we first started. Let's just say that the sounds emitting from the instruments weren't even recognizable as melodies.

As I've been teaching each class, however, I've been extremely pleased with the progress of the students. Perhaps we may not perform the most beautiful version of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" ever, but at least the students are hitting the right notes at the right time.

With one exception. My class.

My class is just not musically inclined, apparently. The other teachers in charge of the singing have commented that my class has the hardest time remembering the words and singing the right notes. I'm noticing the same pattern with recorders. Bless their hearts. Would it be terrible to suggest that they lip synch and just pretend to play the recorder without actually blowing into it? Yes? Darn.

But at the end of the day, my class has skill where it really counts -- academics. I just graded their benchmark tests, and the average grade for my class is 16 percent better than my class average for last year. SIXTEEN PERCENT! It's a Christmas miracle!

Yep, I'll keep my students, tone-deaf or no.

"The difference between Target and Walmart is a bra."

Jennifer: Do you want to get me my book that's way over there? Indicates a book approximately six feet away from where we're sitting.
Jacob: Hmm, no. Maybe if it was only this far away. Stretches out arm as far as it will go, which, while impressive, is certainly not six feet.
Jennifer: Can't you use "Accio book"? How about "Wingardium leviosa" and just make the book float on over here?
Jacob: Uh . . .
Jennifer: Oh, why did I marry a Muggle?

One of three pregnancy posts you'll read on this blog

So, I suppose the title reveals the big news for those who may not have heard it already: our IVF cycle was a success and we're expecting a baby in April! We're thrilled but it still seems pretty unreal at the moment. Now that I'm in the second trimester, I'm allowing myself to get a little more excited.

That being said, I still very much remember the feelings of jealousy and bitterness I sometimes had while hearing or reading about other women's pregnancies. Even today, I stumbled across the Facebook page of someone I don't even know (creepy, much?), and when I noticed that every. single. update. was about her pregnancy, that resentment crept back. Which may be silly, now that I've joined the pregnant clan. Though I suppose once an infertile, always an infertile. I don't want to rub any salt in the wounds of women who may be infertile, recovering from a miscarriage, or even those who don't have the opportunity to have children yet. So I don't want to bring up the pregnancy too much, either here, on Facebook, or in real life.

At the same time, I want to document my pregnancy so I have it as a keepsake. Who knows how many more times I'll have the opportunity to be pregnant?

Enter www.theawkwardone.blogspot.com

This blog started out as an assignment for a technology class I took in college, so technically I suppose the random girls in my group could see it on their sidebar if they still look at it all these years later. Before we went "public" with our infertility, I made the blog private and wrote some angst-filled posts I didn't have the courage to publish here, as well as some rough drafts of how I intended to announce our infertility to the masses.

This morphed into documenting our IVF process in excruciating detail, and finally into writing about our pregnancy.

I'll be making this infertility/pregnancy blog public -- for the time being, at least -- so those who are interested can read up on all sorts of personal details and TMI (because I'm sure you care about my body changes and functions), while those who aren't have no fear of being bombarded with pregnancy news when they least expect it. If you do decide to read it, I recommend starting with the oldest posts first and working your way to the newer ones. If pregnancy posts make you want to vomit or you'd rather watch paint dry, I won't be offended -- my own dear husband hasn't even read it, even though I've invited him to do so.

The two exceptions to the "no pregnancy posts on this blog": I'll likely announce the gender here when we find out (hopefully just before Thanksgiving), and I'll probably post the birth story here as well. Once our baby arrives, I consider anything fair game for this blog. But I'll try not to be obnoxious.

You're a good man, Charlie Brown

An actual email conversation:

Me: "So, the deal was still going on at Smith's . . . so I might have purchased three varieties of hot chocolate as well as a pumpkin. Hope that's cool with you. :D (I suppoooooooose I could return one if necessary.)"

Jacob: "You bought only 3 hot chocolates???? ;0 I was thinking you were going to buy more. Only one pumpkin? Did you get a GINORMOUS one? :) I guess you could have gotten two."

Well then, if you insist, I'll go out and spend all our dollars on more hot chocolate and pumpkins.

Why do I feel like most wives get opposite reactions to their shopping sprees?

Pity party

I don't think I'll ever become a contestant on a reality TV show. But if I did, I'd want to be on The Amazing Race. And I'd probably get eliminated on the first round.

You see, on Monday I watched this week's episode, which [SPOILER!] featured a team who met their untimely exit through a series of unfortunate events. They were the first team to depart, and immediately headed to the travel agency. They found a fantastic flight and requested tickets. However, the travel agent made a mistake and booked them for the following day. While correcting her error, another team swooped in and took the last seats on that flight. The travel agent found another route involving two plane changes that would get them to their destination in a somewhat timely manner.

But of course, things never turned out as planned on The Amazing Race. This team faced delayed planes due to mechanical difficulties, a missed connection, and even more plane delays. By the time they finally arrived at their destination, all of the other teams had checked in at the pit stop and they were eliminated.

How does this relate to me, you ask? Well, let me tell you a tale of utter sadness and despair.

My little sister is leaving on her mission in a few weeks, and her missionary farewell is this weekend. My sisters and I arranged to fly to California for the weekend after I got off work and started fall break.

Well, last night I tried checking in 24 hours before my flight was set to depart. It didn't let me. So I refreshed the page. Over and over. And then I noticed -- I didn't book my ticket for today -- I booked it for tomorrow!

So maybe I haven't been eliminated from a race around the world to win a million dollars. But you could say that I will most definitely be the last team to arrive. And let's just say that the team on The Amazing Race handled their defeat a lot more gracefully than I did. At least, I assume they didn't weep, wail, and gnash their teeth into their pillows until they fell asleep like I did.

Oh, the woe!

ETA: I should be boarding the plane right about now. In order to cope with the sorrow, I may or may not have purchased three varieties of Stephen's hot chocolate. Emotional drinking problem? Or just an inability to pass up a sale for the most delicious brand of hot chocolate ever? You be the judge.

We're going to Candy Mountain

Yesterday for Social Studies my class read an article that included some legends regarding various mountains in Utah. One legend spoke of a tribe who chose to sacrifice a woman, Utahna, to the mountain god Timpanogos so he'd stop making it famine and such. While Utahna was hiking to the highest cliff to throw herself from, she ran into Red Eagle, a man from another tribe, who fell in love with her instantly and pretended to be Timpanogos so she wouldn't off herself. They married and lived happily until Red Eagle was attacked by a bear and Utahna figured out that her husband wasn't the godly specter he pretended to be. So she ended up plunging herself off a cliff anyway! And then Red Eagle pined away next to her body until he died, too.

Such a heartwarming story.

One of the comprehension questions that accompanied the article asked, "Why did Red Eagle pretend to be the mountain god Timpanogos?"

And this is what one of my boys wrote: "cause Red knew she was a hot one"

I'm still laughing.