Oh, peaches. (Or The Lord of the Flies)

The last time we went grocery shopping, I decided we needed to up our fruit intake and we invested in many pounds worth of apples, grapes, and peaches. I rather enjoyed alternating between the varieties in my lunch each day. Alas, we weren't able to eat all of the fruit before it went bad, and sometime early last week, I ended up throwing the last two peaches away.

Later that afternoon, one of our neighbors asked us if we'd be interested in some peaches, as they had too many and were looking to get rid of some. Well, of course we were! Free foodstuffs? Delicious fruit? Count me in! And I was really quite sad about not having any more peaches, as the previous ones had gone the way of the dumpster.

I wasn't quite expecting a huge grocery sack full of peaches, but that's what we got. Hey, the more, the merrier. I immediately set out eating at least two a day because 1) they were delicious and 2) we had a TON of peaches. And I didn't want them to go bad again!

I meant to bring the leftovers to work last Friday, as I was sure Jacob and I wouldn't be able to polish them off in a timely manner. And let's be honest, I was doing all the work around these parts. I don't think Jacob ate a single peach. Way to not pull your weight, husband. :)

So Saturday rolled around, and I decided to have a peach with my lunch. But horror of horrors! Overnight the peaches had begun to rot, and what's more, when I opened the grocery sack, a swarm of fruit flies flew out! I immediately closed the bag in an attempt to trap the flies and took it out to the dumpster.

The damage had been done. Fruit flies were mingling in our kitchen as though it were a ward social. Rude.

Fortunately, I knew just what to do! I'm no stranger to the fruit fly. The semester I was engaged, the apartment I moved into was swarming with fruit flies, and I found a trick on the Internets to trap the flies.

I retrieved a bowl from the depths of the cupboards, splashed a little apple cider vinegar in the bottom, and then sealed it with plastic wrap. After securing the ends liberally with generic Scotch tape, I wielded a toothpick and poked multiple holes in the plastic wrap. The apple cider vinegar is supposed to seduce the flies into crawling through the holes in the plastic wrap, thereby trapping them until they either drown or die of natural causes. (The number one natural cause being that fruit flies have incredibly short life spans.)

After setting the trap, I settled down in a chair to wait. I wanted to see the fruits of my labor! Pretty quickly, flies began landing on the bowl and crawling around the plastic wrap. Oh yes, they were intrigued.

Mentally, I began cheering them on, much like a spectator at a football game. "Go for it! You can do it! No, you're going the wrong way!" And so forth.

It became apparent that while the fruit flies wanted to investigate the vinegar, the holes weren't large enough for them to crawl through. So I took my toothpick and made those holes a little bigger (scaring away the flies in the process, of course.) Once again, I waited and watched.

It turns out that fruit flies, like a watched pot, do not boil under investigation. Unlike a watched pot, they also don't crawl into death traps while being scrutinized. So I decided to make myself a sandwich and observe from a distance. Finally! I had captured some flies!

Then I noticed that one edge of the plastic wrap wasn't exactly taut, so I decided to secure it with more tape. And as I jostled the bowl, one of the flies flew back out of a hole.

Well, then. Trap fail.

I wielded my tape and taped up some of the larger holes, in an attempt to make it more traplike and less like a come-and-go-as-you-please buffet.

Eventually, I did tire of watching the flies, so I went my merry way, off to grade papers or plan lessons or such. But I did check on the trap from time to time, and I was pleased to notice the number of flies increasing.

Once Jacob woke up, I announced to him about my prowess. "I'm a mighty huntress . . . stalking my prey!" I declared, proudly. Jacob seemed a little more skeptical about the process, but he humored me.

Also: remember how I had to throw peaches away for the second time in a week that Saturday? That very evening, yet another neighbor came to our door, bearing yet another ginormous bag of peaches. Apparently I don't need to shop for peaches ever again, because I can rely on the kindness of others to supply my fruit needs.

Back to the flies. Over the next several days, I kept a close eye on my trap, counting how many flies were in there from time to time. Unfortunately, none of them were really dying. Also, the number was decreasing, so they were obviously escaping. I squished one of them when it crawled too close to the rim of the bowl, and I think Jacob squished another one some time later.

Today, as I was cooking dinner, I had several fruit flies buzzing around me. Well, that's not quite accurate -- fruit flies don't buzz. But they were flying, and it was annoying. Enough was enough. I beckoned Jacob and entreated him to do something about these flies.

He immediately started clapping the flies between his hands, effectively snuffing the life out of them in about .2 seconds. He continued this practice, and within ten minutes had gotten rid of the majority of them.

Final kill count:
Clever-somewhat-humane trap: 2
Brute force: 20+

Jacob wins again.